Monday, August 29, 2016

Job Market Mentoring: Sit, Stay, Roll Over Edition

It’s that time of year again, that time when senior deviant graduate students everywhere must begin to prepare their job applications.  We here in the DoD are acutely aware that our graduate students lack “pedigree.”  While we would revel in a world populated by a happy chaos of mutts, alas, we are not in charge.  We recognize that mutts too need to eat.  And so we are doing our level best to help them find jobs that will pay for groceries and even vet checkups. 

To that end, we are offering job market mentoring, the first session of which happens this Tuesday.  This session will be devoted to problems arising when one lacks Kennel Club recognized lineage. 

We will address how to appear non-threatening and well-behaved, even when your scrappy ancestors were not.  Students will thus learn how to judiciously measure exposure of their deviance so as not to alarm the pure breds.  We will also talk about how to make your coat shinier and glossier than anyone would expect of a mutt.  Some say that a mutt who can simply walk upright will impress, but this is likely not enough to win a job in the present market.  So we’ll discuss how to perform elaborate tricks sure to pleasingly shock those who expect little of you but soiling carpets.  Finally, we will conclude with a heartening tour through tales of mutts-made-good, detailing exemplars of the type and sussing out just how they managed to win their jobs.

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