It’s
that time of year again, that time when senior deviant graduate students
everywhere must begin to prepare their job applications. We here in the DoD are acutely aware that our
graduate students lack “pedigree.” While
we would revel in a world populated by a happy chaos of mutts, alas, we are not
in charge. We recognize that mutts too
need to eat. And so we are doing our
level best to help them find jobs that will pay for groceries and even vet
checkups.
To
that end, we are offering job market mentoring, the first session of which
happens this Tuesday. This session will
be devoted to problems arising when one lacks Kennel Club recognized lineage.
We
will address how to appear non-threatening and well-behaved, even when your
scrappy ancestors were not. Students
will thus learn how to judiciously measure exposure of their deviance so as not
to alarm the pure breds. We will also
talk about how to make your coat shinier and glossier than anyone would expect
of a mutt. Some say that a mutt who can
simply walk upright will impress, but this is likely not enough to win a job in
the present market. So we’ll discuss how
to perform elaborate tricks sure to pleasingly shock those who expect little of
you but soiling carpets. Finally, we
will conclude with a heartening tour through tales of mutts-made-good,
detailing exemplars of the type and sussing out just how they managed to win
their jobs.
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